Visiting a Prospective Family at Diwali: Gifts, Mithai and Etiquette

Agree the day and time with the other family rather than dropping in. Diwali evenings are busy with puja and relatives, so an afternoon visit on the weekend before or after often suits both sides better.

• Confirm who is coming from each side, so nobody is caught off guard by a full living room.
• Ask whether the family keeps any particular customs on the day, such as puja times.
• Keep the first visit short, an hour or so, and leave them wanting another.

A box of mithai is the classic Diwali gift and is never wrong. Other good choices are a box of dry fruits, a set of diyas or candles, or flowers. Keep it thoughtful rather than lavish: an expensive gift on a first visit can create awkwardness or a sense of obligation.

• Check dietary needs if you can. Some families avoid egg, and many Jain families avoid onion and garlic, so plain mithai from a trusted sweet shop is the safest choice.
• Bring something small for any children or elders in the home if you know they will be there.
• Present the gift to the eldest person of the house.

Festive but modest is the right note. A kurta or sherwani, a salwar kameez, a saree or a smart lehenga all suit a Diwali visit. Bright colours are welcome. Follow the household's lead on shoes at the door.

Keep the first conversation easy: how each family celebrates, food, work, where people grew up, and Melbourne life. Let the two people talk too, ideally with a little time to themselves if both families are comfortable.

Leave money, property and wedding plans for much later. Never raise dowry, ever. Our list of questions to ask at a first rishta meeting has good, respectful starting points.

A short message before or after the visit sets a warm tone. A few that work well between families:

• "Wishing your whole family a very happy Diwali. May this festival of lights bring you joy, health and many blessings."
• "Shubh Deepavali! Thank you for welcoming us so warmly. We truly enjoyed meeting your family."
• "Bandi Chhor Divas diyan lakh lakh vadhaiyan! Wishing your family light and happiness today and always."
• "Happy Diwali from our family to yours. We look forward to meeting again soon."

Send a thank-you message the same evening or the next day. If either side is not comfortable going further, say so kindly and promptly. Our guide on how to say no to a rishta politely helps with the words.

On Khandaan, families meet only after both have accepted an introduction, so a festive visit like this starts from mutual interest. You can create your family's profile for free.