The usual checklist
Families sensibly start with the facts they can compare: age, education, work, religion, language and city. They narrow the search and help ensure two people have a shared foundation. There is nothing wrong with starting there.
How they handle disagreement
Every couple disagrees. What matters is how. Does the person listen, apologise, compromise or sulk? A first meeting rarely reveals it, but how someone talks about past conflicts, with colleagues, family or friends, can offer a clue.
Attitudes to money and work
Differences about spending, saving, supporting parents or working after marriage cause real strain. They are easier to raise before the wedding than after. Ask in a friendly way what each person expects, and listen without judging.
Everyday habits and rhythms
Is one person an early riser and the other a night owl? Does one love a full social calendar and the other a quiet home? Small differences are usually workable, but they are better known than discovered later.
How the families treat each other
A marriage joins two households. Pay attention to how each family speaks about the other, about relatives and about the couple. Respect between the families at the first meeting is a good sign, and is hard to build later if it is missing.
Whether the person is ready
Readiness is easy to overlook. A person who is under pressure, has not decided what they want or is still recovering from something may struggle even in a good match. Ask the candidate, privately, how they feel about the timing.
A shorter list for a better search
You do not need to replace your checklist, just add to it. A few values-based questions at the second meeting can tell you more than a long list of conditions. Our guide to questions to ask at a first rishta meeting offers a starting point, and you can create a free profile to describe in your own words what matters to your family.